Originally posted August 2019
Today’s Wednesday Story is from an amazing woman who has become a dear friend. One I can count on and one who I trust. Her name is Norma Zaugg. She has a podcast and also offers coaching. I met her a few months ago, and I had the privilege of hearing her story. She is a woman of strength. You can connect with Norma on Instagram.
Norma’s podcasts are very moving. The people who share their stories of hardship and the light they find in their journey’s will inspire and uplift you. Norma also has episodes of coaching. Her recent one on justification was so good. It really made me think about my brain and how I can be justifying my behavior when I should be correcting it. I hope you will enjoy Norma’s story today, and that you will see the Light along the way.
I had always wanted to have children, I wanted to have a little person to bury my head into. A little person to love with all my heart and to feel the presence of God when their tiny body connected with mine and our eyes met for the first time. To breathe in the smell of a tiny newborn baby, one that I called mine.
When I was dating my husband, he had agreed to having 5 kids, so I thought we were on the same page. I was okay that we didn’t have children the first few years. I was in college and excited about completing that goal, but after I graduated, I noticed that when I brought up the topic, he blew me off. Although I was confused and disappointed, I didn’t speak up, but let him control that decision, thinking that maybe his mind would change soon.
By the time I was 27 years old my husband was still hesitant to bring children into the world. Our marriage had not been an easy one. It had many ups and downs, and by this time 8 years had passed me by, and I was ready to enter parenthood.
I had entered our marriage thinking that he was an active church going man, but within the first 2 years I found out that he really didn’t want anything to do with church. I continued to attend meetings by myself and had accepted his choice, but his hesitancy about children made me nervous. I had given up other dreams to stay married to him but was unwilling to budge on this one. So, at the age of 27 I firmly told him that it was something I was not willing to give up and he finally agreed to try.
Getting a thumbs up from him was only the beginning because soon I realized that I myself didn’t know if it was the right thing to do. Our marriage was hard because we had such different beliefs. It was filled with ups and downs and confusion. My husband had quit believing what I believed and having grown up in a family where my parents were of different faiths, I knew that it would not be easy for kids.
I knelt on my knees asking my father in heaven if it was okay for me to bring children into this world. I spent days and weeks in prayer waiting for an answer. I did not want my children to struggle like I had. I didn’t want to make any choices that would harm little ones or bring sadness and heartbreak that I would not be able to fix.
I did not pray lightly, I wanted to receive a firm confirmation from God that this was his will and that it would be okay. One day while in prayer I received a beautiful answer letting me know that he approved, and my heart sang. I was going to be able to move forward with a dream I had since I was a little girl and I knew without a doubt that God approved.
It was not long until I found out I was pregnant with my first little boy. He was born in August of 2004 and although being a new mother was hard with sleepless nights and a huge learning curve, it didn’t take long for me to settle in to this newfound love that was deeper than any other I had ever experienced. Having a child had softened my husband’s heart and we welcomed two more little boys into our lives. One in 2007 and one in 2011. I love my boys fiercely and with my whole heart.
I wish I could say that my journey stayed on this path and that we did live happily ever after, but as in most stories there was a twist.
In 2013 my husband left and wanted a divorce. I again found myself on my knees, tears pouring out of my soul as I fully recognized that I would not be able to protect my babies from this. They would have heartache and pain and loss that I could do nothing about. It was my worst fear in having brought them here to begin with and I asked my father in heaven WHY? He took me back to that day where I received a firm confirmation that I should have children. It calmed my troubled heart to know that I had done His will despite what may lie ahead.
It was not easy, and learning to be a single mother tried both my patience and my heart. Seeing my boys go through this pain was more than I ever wanted to see. A wise counselor once told me something that I will never forget, she said, “Norma, you cannot protect your kids from the hard things they will have to go through in this world. It is part of what they will need to turn to Christ.” That message has never left me.
Each and every time my boys leave to spend time with their dad, I worry about what they may learn or be exposed to, but I never doubt that they were meant to be here. They have two parents in their lives that influence them and love them. We still have very different beliefs and at times I wonder about the confusion it must bring to them. So, I tell them that I don’t want them to follow me, and I don’t want them to follow their dad. I tell them that I want them to follow what they feel inside and let the spirit guide them. I hope that they will do just that, because we might unknowingly lead our kids astray, but God never will.
Sending Buckets of Love,
Norma Zaugg lives in Utah. She is remarried and is learning the ropes of blending a family. She has taken her experiences and now helps other women find their light through online classes and coaching programs. She is host of SPARK, the light within PODCAST.
Norma is also a speaker, writer and educator. You can follow her on Instagram @normazaugg
Norma understands sorrow. She also understands light and hope and joy! She has an incredible way of helping people share their stories that will inspire you in your life as you go through struggles yourself. She also inspires us to think about those around us and what they might be going through. And she gives us tools to better handle our journey.
You may remember a recent post of mine by Shelley Swapp. AN UNFINISHED STORY OF HOPE
Shelley shares her story on Norma’s podcast and it is just so moving. You really need to check it out. #30 WHEN SLEEPING WOMEN WAKE MOUNTAINS MOVE: HELPING OUR CHILDREN WHEN DOCTORS DON’T HAVE THE ANSWER
And episode #29 Hardworking and Homeless was really eye-opening and tender to me and I highly recommend listening to that as well.HARDWORKING AND HOMELESS
I hope that today’s story will encourage you to keep going. To look for that light that is always present. You can do this! There are angels all about you to strengthen you. And there are tools available to help us on our journey-we just need to take that step of finding and implementing those tools in our lives.