You might be surprised that this isn’t a post about how much I love my husband…now don’t get me wrong, I LOVE my husband! But today, I want to talk about how much I love Jesus Christ and our Heavenly Father.
I want to share an experience that occurred after I had a D&C from my 10th miscarriage. This was the second one in a row in hoping to successfully add a 6th child to our family. The experience I had in knowing this daughter needed to come is one of THE MOST TENDER experiences of my life. And the main reason I knew I could keep trying, even after hearing this heart-wrenching news.
This miscarriage also came just a few short days before school began in August 2016. We were so excited to tell the kids they would be having a new sibling, but instead we had to gather them around my bed, and tell them they had one more sibling in Heaven instead. And then I explained that to keep mommy safe, I would have a small surgery the next day and they would take the tiny baby out. We wouldn’t get to see the baby, but mommy would be fine and the baby’s spirit is already in Heaven. And now that they were all old enough to understand, I told them of my history of losing babies. That this made 10 siblings in heaven. They are our guardian angels, and when we meet them, we will have quite the family reunion!(this is my personal belief, NOT CHURCH DOCTRINE)
To help us all process this loss, that weekend, we released 10 balloons to our babies. Sorry for the poor picture quality, but it’s actually hard to hold the camera still when you are bawling.:) This was so incredibly healing for me. I wished I had thought of doing it will all my others. As we stood, or in my case sat, watching the balloons “drift up to Heaven” I thought of how blessed I was. How blessed I was to live in a day of medical miracles. That I am still alive to see these five kids in this picture. I am quite certain, if I lived in an earlier time period, my husband would have been a young widower. How grateful I am that I am still here to help raise my kids. To point them to the Love and Power of God.
Another thing that happened this same weekend was a call from a church leader asking if I could meet with my bishop. Now in the church that I belong to, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we all volunteer to serve in whatever capacity we are needed. Whether to teach children, youth, or adults. It is always a blessing to serve, in my opinion, because you grow to love those you serve. And we all can benefit from loving more people. A call to serve is a call from Jesus Christ. Responding to His call has always brought blessings to me.
So even though I could barely walk, my husband helped me “fake it” so I looked totally normal and as if nothing was wrong. Now I don’t think that if I would have told my bishop what had happened, that would have been wrong either. I just felt like it didn’t matter if he knew. I knew that I would recover soon, and would be able to handle this new calling. And also, Jesus knew, and He needed me to serve. And He also knew that serving would help me heal. After I got the news that I was asked to serve as a counselor in our children’s Primary leadership(a rather busy calling), I knew it would actually be a blessing. I needed a calling that would keep me busy- help me to not have too much time to let my mind wander to paths of sorrow. In my limited experience, serving is the best way to forget sorrow.
This next quote is also from Elder Jeffery R. Holland, and it’s from his talk The Ministry of Angels, one of my absolute most favorite talks!
“My beloved brothers and sisters, I testify of angels, both the heavenly and the mortal kind. In doing so I am testifying that God never leaves us alone, never leaves us unaided in the challenges that we face. “[N]or will he, so long as time shall last, or the earth shall stand, or there shall be one man [or woman or child] upon the face thereof to be saved.”On occasions, global or personal, we may feel we are distanced from God, shut out from heaven, lost, alone in dark and dreary places. Often enough that distress can be of our own making, but even then the Father of us all is watching and assisting. And always there are those angels who come and go all around us, seen and unseen, known and unknown, mortal and immortal.“
I truly believe in angels! I believe that our Heavenly Father helps us in any way He can. And because He loves us so incredibly much, He has given us the strength of angels to help us.
We did get our 6th baby here eventually!
I know that God, our Heavenly Father lives. I know He sent His son Jesus Christ to earth. That Jesus Christ died for us. What greater love story is that? Because of all Jesus went through, He is our best aid when we are going through hard times. And just as an angel was sent to strengthen Christ in the garden of Gethsemane, we too are sent angels to strengthen us daily, in our our garden’s of Gethsemane.
So, Happy Valentine’s Day tomorrow! A day to remember Love in all forms. By teaching my kids to remember that Jesus Christ and their Heavenly Father love them even more than I can, I’m sharing the greatest Love Story of all.
Today there is a reason to hope.
A Jubilant Hope 